anzac day

anzac day 25 april 2006
afterwards i just sat in my car in the dark, in the rain and cried and cried and cried. i cried by myself for about half an hour. i had no idea i had that in me. it was the first time i had really cried since the flight from japan. then i just cried myself to sleep. tonight i tried to call will at his house. he was out. so alexandra. i write to you on the other side of the world. ta for listening. sorry for the morbid ramble. so, i know how you feel really. that nothing makes any sense. and the moment it gets close to making sense things get so much worse. and your life starts to look more like my papa's horrific medical case study text book. photos of men who have survived bullet wounds to the face. men with no jaws. men with no cheek bones, no flesh, but eyes to see it all. men who lived. that is what we feel like.
i think time feels all wounds.
when i get like this i clean. nobody home. just ninny. quiet. today i cleaned the kitchen like it had never been cleaned. sweep, vaccuum, mop, washed the skirting boards, threw out loads of junk, cleaned the back yard and the living room. i just cleaned but it didnt really change anything. there are still four boys who live here too.
i will stop.
take care arex,
love eloise.